I'm such a diappointment

I apologise for not posting for almost a month. I've been too busy failing at life in all aspects.

I only have myself to blame when it comes to failing three (YES THREE!) subjects at uni. Too much socialising and no study = FAIL! This semester will be 100% different. Bums up heads down over here. I will be redefined as a nerd. But, better to be a nerd and succeeding at life than be a loser and funnily enough, a loser in life.

Anywho, I'm also going to start again with my god-damned diet and exercise regime which went belly-up when I started the raw diet lol. Yeh you feel cleaner eating that way but to think that such a major change was going to be an easy transition was just foolish.

I have a myfitnesspal account now, and so I can link it to my ipod and it has a much more reasonable approach to weight loss, I'm at 95 kilos (ahem) - (YES i know....) at the moment and it was suggested by the program that to lose 1 pound a week I follow a diet of no more than 1600 calories and exercise three times a week for thirty minutes or 600 calories burned. I think that it seems very reasonable and although the weightloss results won't be as drastic as we all want it to be, weightloss and especially my target weight will be much more attainable.

I found this girl's tumblr account and found it very inspiring, she used to be quite large and now she's this itty-bitty cutesy.

http://finallygettingitright.tumblr.com/

So that's it from me, at least for now.

Love and Hugs,

Violet!

Raw food diet...

For the past three days I've been on a raw food vegan diet. It's not really that hard. I came across it while reading a book actually. I eat fruit, vegetables, nuts, drink water and if I want, juice.

So far so good, eating so cleanly makes me feel really clean. I don't feel bloated after a meal and I don't have the compulsion to eat more than I need anymore. I've also been doing yoga in the morning (just 30 minutes) but at least it's something.

I feel really good about myself right now. But I'm also freaking out because I've got exams this week and next. I have my genetics exam tomorrow and I haven't been studying - I feel like I just don't care about it anymore. I want to do something else at uni. But the science field is full of opportunity. I've already done my Maths exam (FAIL!) and Microbiology which will be fine. Genetics I'm worried about and I have Physics next friday but I should be okay with that.

At least I'm feeling good in some aspects of my life at the moment.

Violet!

screw it!

I'm starting tonight!

Violet!

thank goodness for inspiration...

Tomorrow, tomorrow....

Tomorrow I would like to be starting my fast (inspired by a new blog I found! she is wonderful) but I think I should wait for a week until after I finish my uni exams! Especially because maths just takes it right out of me.

I'm so sick of being fat :( and I've disappointed myself by not sticking to a particular diet or exercise schedule.

Once my exams are over I will start a fast and see how long I can go - if not complete fast than at least a very low calorie diet. I will have about 1 month before I have to go back to uni so hopefully I will get used to a routine before than.

Violet!!

hmmm...

Well, it's been nine days since my last post and I haven't made any progress. I don't understand why it's getting so hard. I've been absolutely nuts with my diet. Especially when I'm at uni my friends and I go out to lunch and my lunch is just as unhealthy as theirs. :(

So, I'm going to try again! I really want to get thin again and I just can't control myself.

Gosh I really suck right now.

But it's time (again) for a clean slate. If the girls below can do it, then surely I can too!!

Violet!

YAY!!!

I weighed myself this morning and fantastic news! I've gotten to my first goal weight!! I think this will definately help to motivate me! YAY!! I'm so happy - it feels like I've really started on my way :D

I've cut down heaps on sugar, trying to stay away from junk food, instead of snacks if I want something to eat I'll have an Atkins bar - they are so great. Soup for dinner doesn't seem like much but I've been trying to 'feel' it more in my stomach by eating slowly lol and convincing myself its more filling than it is.

I'm slowly making changes but I'm getting there!

I don't know what else to say right now - I might update later. I have so much uni work to do this week. My microbiology report is due on thursday and I have to study for maths and genetics - physics will be fiiine. LOL

Violet!!

Holy Moly!

Wow, I had the weirdest night last night. Well the day started out awesome; I was going over to my friend's house and we were going to make jewelery - we ended up making one necklace because we were bumming around and driving places as well. We had a party to go to and the location was about 45 minutes away which was fine, I said I'd pick up two of our friends one at 4:45 and the other at 5. Well, we ended up picking the first one up at about 5:10 and the other at 5:40 because of location and traffic. The party started at 6 so obviously we were going to be late. I'd never been to that friend's house before so my friend was going to navigate via street directory for me (I'm seriously thinking of getting a GPS lol). She was awesome but we ended up taking too early a turn and got a bit lost. The two guy friends were sitting in the back being so unhelpful and critical of us - they thought it was okay to joke like that - but I was under so much stress, especially since I haven't been on my medication. So it got to the point where I was so utterly tired of listening to one of the guys "directions" and criticism that I turned the stereo up way loud! Like crazy loud. I didn't want to turn it down straight away because it was kind of a pride thing, once I calmed down enough I did turn it down though.

Then the same douche thought it was okay to keep going and push me even further so I just absolutely snapped - and I can usually keep myself under control when around others. I just couldn't take it anymore so I yelled "If I hear one more critism about anything, you can get out and walk!" I said it so loud and so angrily I have to admit that I shocked myself. My friend sitting in the front and navigating turned to the boys and was just like "Don't push it." because she knows that when I get stressed I get really stessed.

We eventually get to the party and as I'm turning the car around one of the boys says "Where are you going, her driveway is there" I was so over it I snapped again and shouted "I'm turning the fucking car around!" Oh my goodness, I have never been so pissed off at my passengers before.

But what really got to me was that one of the boys is a bit of a brat and he kind of thinks of me as his personal taxi. He just assumes that I'll pick him up for whatever party is going on and he never says thank you for picking/dropping me off and never offers any petrol money to help me out - considering I'm always going out of my way for him. He's not welcome in my car anymore and he pissed my other friend off because he knew that I was angry at him and when she asked how he was getting home he just assumed she would take him - didn't ask her or anything.

The party itself waas freaking awesome! My friend's dad cooked up a feast (I know lol) and we roasted marshmallows over the bonfire which is oh my gosh, just so cool. They go all crispy at the edges and gooey inside - nom nom nom.... We were dancing and making jokes, playing pranks on eachother for a good few hours - one of the best parties I've ever been at actually :D

After we left the party we dropped the other boy off and he's cool, he's very passive, my friend and I got a really creepy bad feeling when driving on campus (because the boy lives in res at our uni) so we went straight over to her house to drop her off. When we got there we talked for like an hour and said goodbye, when I turned the key in the ignition - nothing! It wouldn't turn over. So we kind of woke her parents up with our talking. Luckily enough, though, her dad is a mechanic so he took a look at it and said the battery was dead. He jump started it, said "Don't turn it off until you get home" and then off I went.

Now I'm at home, I feel exhausted and awake at the same time... it's 1:40 in the morning and I have to work tomorrow - GRRR!!

Anywho, I'm going to try and get some shuteye. Night all! (or morning rather)

Violet!!

Wow! I have followers!

Hello beautiful people!

I can't believe I have followers! Thank you gals - it means so much to me. I never thought I would have an interesting enough blog for that to happen lol (the pressure is on!). You have made a difference - I want to make you proud!

Today I haven't eaten much and what I've eaten has been healthy and pretty low-cal. I need to get back into the gym. It's a lame excuse and not really an excuse at all but between uni and work and satisfyinng my friends' social appetites, there's very little time and I'm just so buggered. Not good enough! I will try harder to get into the gym. I was doing so well - I would say to myself "half an hour a day is nothing" which would motivate me to get into the gym and when I'm there I would go over the half hour. I tricked myself!

I have felt a lot better over the last couple of days about how I've been thinking about the whole weight-loss deal-i-o. I'm going to make you proud!!

Love Violet! (^_^)

Ok we're starting again!

I'm terrible at this whole posting blog thing lol - I have to get into the habit of doing it :-P

The past week my emotions have been all over the place - and I've been really depressed because I haven't been sticking to my plan of gymming and eating right and my new medication has made me gain weight rapidly :-(

which kind of defeats the purpose of it lol

Today I feel like I've achieved something - like I've overcome a mental obstacle and can really change myself :-)

I had a lab this morning from 9-12 and after that I was feeling so sick and had some food and worked on my physics lab book until 2 when i had to hand in my physics lab book and do a test - which I will pass (yay) afterwards I came home and I haven't had any food since. I think I've just gotten over a small part of the hump. There is still a long way to go before I get close to my goal weight but I think I'm better prepared now.

Oh Deary Me...

Ok, so today I planned to pick up my friend at 830 this morning, go to uni from 9-2, gym then more study at home. But what happened? Well, I did pick up my friend at 830 and I did go to uni at 9 but after we went to our tutorial which finished at 11, well my friends and i went to the mall to look for new boots. And spent quite a bit of time there because we missed our lecture and figured why bother? After that we thought about what to do next. We were hungry so we went to KFC (omg) then we went to my other friends' house because they're on holiday and I'm supposed to look after their fish. Afterwards we decided to go for a drive to visit my friend's dad at work and on the way get my nose pierced (I'm impulsive like that lol).

And now here I am, 8pm and sitting at my computer. I've eaten terrible junk food and haven't been to the gym today. AND I still have so much uni work to do :(

The upside today is that this morning when I weighed myself I lost a kilo - yippeee.... but I've probably undone it - so that celebration is short-lived.

Violet!

Not the most perfect of days...

Where shall I start? I've had such a busy last few days - that's why I haven't posted anything. The last few days have been so hectic. I've been driving everywhere! I took my friends to the airport on Sunday morning (got up at 5:30 and was there by 7:30!!!) Then I had to work and trying to fit in bits of uni in between going to lectures during the day and seeing my boyfriend last night. Today was a bit better, I just had to drive to uni today and spend from 10:30 to 4:00 there and drove my friend home and was chatting in her driveway for about and hour lol - crazy gal!

Now I'm just wondering what, in the moutain of things to do, should I do first? What takes priority? Well this blog obviously lol... I have to get my Microbiology, Genetics and Physics lab books up to date :( and today I am sure I failed my math test - I hate math. Not really, I like maths I just hate math tests. I get so stressed out I just completely blank as soon as I get in there.

Anywho, weightloss. The good news is that I have been keeping under my limit, and have been going to the gym consistantly. The bad news is that when confronted with disgustingly bad food - i just can't help but eat it. I'm terrible lol

Oh well, it's not the end of the world. Tomorrow is a new day - I just have to try that itty-bit harder!!

Violet!

Start of a New Era

I figured this would be the perfect thing to start off my blog.

Two years ago I was pretty thin - 60kg / 132lbs - over time the weight just piled on and half of it is because of this stress medication I'm taking. I know, what a cop out lol. I've decided that I've had enough and am trying to lose the weight using various methods: low-calorie (1000 cal), low-carb (15g limit), no sugar, trying to eat more protein and nutritious fruit and veges - low starch/sugar etc. But the aim is to not starve too much - to eat small amounts of food every 3 hours, as well as doing at least 30 minutes at the gym everyday.

Today I was doing pretty well - considering it's the first day (I can only get better!)

Breakfast:

2 x wholemeal toast - vegemite on one, PB&J on the other.

1 x coffee

Snacks:

2 x Atkins treat bars

Dinner:

White rice (i know...), with greek yoghurt, tuna and mushrooms.

Diet rite cordial

*Drinking lots of water throughout the day is awesome!

The Atkins bars are really good they have less than 2g carbs per bar, and a max of 150 calories - so it's completely manageable. The bars are so filling - you don't realise until you've actually had one for yourself lol - i replaced lunch with one of those and with water it's enough! Later on, I will post the calories for each meal...

I did 20 mins on the elliptical which equated to 238 calories burned, I also did 3 sets of 15 reps each of the ab machine and weights machine (50lbs for both machines). I'm trying to start off slowly because the last time I started a diet and went to the gym I went all out and absolutely killed my muscles which made me not want to go to the gym for ages.

Anywho, I'm glad that I've started (again). This time I'll have this blog to motivate. Even if nobody reads this I will still feel answerable for my food intake and actions throughout the day.

To everyone or noone: thanks for reading :D I'll leave you with some thinspo...

Violet xo